Neon Genesis Evangelion 2 Spoof Manga [TEXT ONLY]

Obtained from eva.onegeek.org [part one] [part two] (5/4/13)
Translated by M bochan at fuji.ne.jp

Before the PS2 release, Kikkawa Kabao illustrated two spoof manga in Shonen Ace-A.

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A 2-part spoof manga countdown to the scheduled November release of the
PlayStation2 game “Evangelion2” appeared in the last two Shonen Ace-A
magazines immediately following the regular Eva manga. Against my better
judgement (:P) I have decided to translate and post this manga. The
following is Part I (Shinji). Part II (Asuka) will be posted in a couple
of days.

========================================
Part I — Shinji’s case

Scene: Shinji sitting on a folding chair inside the labyrinth of his
heart (a la TV episodes 25/26)
Shinji (nervous/apprehensive): Umm… Hello. I’m Ikari… Shinji.
Everyone already knows me so I don’t need to introduce myself. After
all… this is Shonen Ace…
Shinji: (despondent) Even if it is “Eva2”, probably nothing will change.
I’ll fight Angels, and get hurt….. I’ll get hit by Touji, dissed by
Ayanami, and ignored by my father! (shouting/holding head in hands) I’ve
had enough of that!! Stop making me suffer painful experiences!!

Gendo: You’re wrong, Shinji.
Shinji: Father!?
(Gendo appears wearing -short- cut-off jeans with the waist button open
and the zipper halfway down, a bare midriff skin-tight shirt and a
high-cut police jacket and cap. Fuyutsuki is wearing nothing but black
socks and black T-back underwear, and is in a submissive pose on his
knees with his head on the floor, his hands crossed behind his back, and
his behind in the air. Gendo stands with one foot on Fuyutsuki’s
derrier.) [Artists note: These types of costumes do not exist in the
game.]
Gendo: In the Eva2 world, you are free to act however you want. That’s
right — in other words it’s an Eva world life experience simulation.
Shinji (shocked): !? F- f- f- fa- father!? Why are you dressed like
that!!
Gendo: This is the result of the effects of your actions, Shinji.
Shinji: I… I turned my father into a pervert!?
Gendo (riding Fuyutsuki like a horse): Don’t say pervert. This morning
you didn’t go to the bathroom, then you were late for school, and you
ate all of the peanuts out of the peanut and cracker snack. The effects
of those actions made us like this.
Shinji (backpedaling): That made you into perverts!?
Gendo: At any rate, everything is free in this world!! Anything is
allowed!!
Shinji: What!? Is there really that degree of freedom!?
Gendo: If you like, you can even call me “Papa”….
Shinji (aghast): Eh… Pa…pa…
Fuyutsuki (reaching up for Gendo, blushing): Papa
Gendo: Not you, you fool!
Shinji: …..!
Rei (off camera): But Ikari, that doesn’t mean you can just live without
doing anything.
(Shinji imagines Rei in a sexy bikini [AT power -> UP])
Shinji: A- Ayanami!?
Rei (in school uniform): Relationships between people are very important
in Eva2. You must be careful because if you hurt people or make them
angry, things with even peripheral people will become awkward.
(Shinji collapsed on floor [AT power -> DOWN])
Rei: So, why do you seem disappointed, Ikari?
Shinji (weakly): Umm… Don’t mind it.
Rei: I see.
Gendo (approaching Rei from behind): Rei, how are you doing?
Rei (without turning): Stay away from me, you pervert.
(Gendo freezes in shock)
Rei: And now for the next step. Follow me, Ikari.
Shinji (looking at Gendo and thinking): Things definitely are awkward…

Scene: Misato’s apartment
Shinji: Huh? This is…
Rei: This is where you live… I’ve tried a simulation with certain
settings. Why don’t you try it?
(Sounds of people coming running)
Mixed voices: Wel- Come- Home!!
(A very busty Misato, Ritsuko and Maya rush toward Shinji and embrace
him between them)
Ritsuko: Shinji-kun (heart mark)
Misato: Shin-chan (heart mark)
Ritsuko: Shinji-kun!!
Shinji: !!
(Shinji gets pawed and felt up by the three women)
Shinji: AAAAAHH Ayanami!! What is this!!
Rei: A simulation where you came on to the three old maids of Nerv and
their love has reached 100%.
Misato/Ritsuko (enraged/thinking): Old maids!?
Maya (enraged/thinking): Not me…!!
Rei: You like this sort of thing, don’t you, Shinji… This is what you
would aim for first… After all, you are a boy.
Shinji (struggling with his face crushed between three enormous sets of
tits): !… This world… This world…!! (Jumps for joy and shouts) I
love it!! Thank you, Ayanami!! Thank you Evangelion2!!
(The three women clap and say “Congratulations!”)

Scene: Shinji wakes up abruptly
Shinji: Wha-!! (deflated) I see… it turned out to be just a dream… I
knew it. The world is not that easy…
(Black screen with “Fin” kanji)
Shinji (voice): Huh? Is it over already? Well, I’m glad it was a dream;
that my father didn’t become a pervert…

(A very busty Asuka in yellow dress appears in front of the screen)
Asuka: So, next time I’m the lead for Eva2!! Get your tissues ready and
wait in anticipation!!

Shinji looks over shocked to see Gendo peaking through the door to his
room, still wearing the police jacket and hat….

End Part I

Part II – Sohryu Asuka Langley’s case

Scene: Asuka in school uniform sitting on a folding chair (a la TV
episodes 25/26)
Asuka: What? Evangelion2!? Are you stupid? I’m not going to do that!!
You’ve got to be kidding!! (spits) After all, idiot Shinji will get the
lead again… and I’ll just end up a broken person. (kicks back in
chair and yawns) You think I can put up with that? (sits up in
surprise) What!? This time I get to be the lead!? And the world will
revolve around me!? Are you serious!? You’re not lying!? Honest!?

Telop: And thus began the Asuka Idol Project!!
Scene: Shinji, Touji and Kensuke on the aircraft carrier deck (Ep5) —
they turn to see a very busty Asuka in yellow dress
Asuka: Hi there!! I’m Sohryu Asuka Langley. Pleased to meet you!!
(The wind whips up Asuka’s dress to partially show a bare buttock from
behind. Shinji, Touji and Kensuke’s jaws drop and the three keel over
backwards spurting blood from their noses. All three = [AT power -> UP])

Asuka (holding down dress like Marilyn Monroe): Iyaa~!! Ecchi!!
Misato (disgusted, muttering): Put on some underpants!
(Asuka gives the camera a thumbs-up sign with a sneering, triumphant
expression)

Scene: Nerv bathing facility — Men’s bath
Gendo (off camera): How’s it hanging lately, Fuyutsuki?
Fuyutsuki (off camera): Mmm… well… my years are getting the best of
me.
Gendo: In my case it’s stress…..
Fuyutsuki: There is no end to our hardships.
Gendo: I guess not.
(The two enter the main bathing area)
Fuyutsuki: Even so, could you at least remove your glasses when taking a
bath?
Gendo: These are my specifications.
Fuyutsuki: Specifications? Well then, I guess it can’t be helped.
Gendo/Fuyutsuki: *muffled gasps*
(A startled/blushing Asuka looks up from washing her extremely
voluptuous body, then shrieks and jumps into the large bathtub in order
to cover herself.)
Asuka: Kyaaaa!! I mistook the men’s and women’s baths!!
(Gendo/Fuyutsuki = [AT power -> UP]. The two turn around so that their
backs face a now-grinning Asuka)
Gendo: It looks like you’ve still got it.
Fuyutsuki (looking down): Yeah, well… at least a little.

Scene: Makoto walks in on a half-naked Asuka in the pilots’ dressing
room
Asuka (embarassed): Kyaaaa!! I’m changing!!
(Makoto = [AT power -> UP])

Scene: Shigeru opens a lavatory stall door to see Asuka sitting on the
toilet
Asuka (embarassed): It… it’s occupied!!
(Shigeru = [AT power -> UP])

Telop: And then, an Angel Attack
Scene: Command Center
Misato: Asuka, are you ready!?
Asuka (radio voice): A-okay!!
Maya: Eva-02, Laun… (turns in shock/surprise) ch…!!
(Makoto and Shigeru shout and cheer for Asuka)
Shigeru: Yeeeaahhh! A-su-ka!!
Makoto (holding megaphone): Go! Go! A-su-ka!!
Misato (aghast): What the hell…? What is going on…!?
(An “ASUKA(heart)” banner hangs from the upper tier where Gendo and
Fuyutsuki watch; Fuyutsuki waves a tiny “Asuka(heart)” flag)
(Asuka crying for joy in the entry plug)
Asuka: Everyone… everyone is watching… they are all watching me!!
This is the world I wished for!!

Scene: Asuka’s sickroom — Asuka stares vacantly up at the ceiling with
a weak smile on her face
Asuka (weakly): Aha…
Shinji (shouting): Oh!! Asuka laughed!! Hey, Ayanami!! Asuka just
laughed!!
Rei (turning to leave room): Is that so… But this time turned out to
be a dream, too.
Shinji (puzzled): Huh!? What’s the matter, Ayanami…?
Rei: It’s nothing, Ikari.

(Black screen with “Sohryu Asuka Langley’s case, Fin”)

Rei (in front of screen): Mine wouldn’t turn out this way. After all,
I’ve got Commander Ikari.

Shinji turns shocked to see Gendo peaking through the sickroom door,
still wearing the police jacket and hat….

End Part II

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